Although sometimes it may seem, we are rational beings. And if sometimes it does not seem is because when anger invades us, the mind is clouded us
Although sometimes it may seem, we are rational beings. And if sometimes it does not seem is because when anger invades us, we confusing the mind and perhaps what comes out our mouth is not best suited to solve our relationship problems. Perhaps we open for a short period of time, but eventually, end up causing serious chaos on our society. Not that we know how to treat our partner, but in those critical moments we lose precisely what should be most important, common sense.
We already know what the new-fangled sympathetic proverb: “Do not argue with a fool, because first you will go down to their level and then hit you with their experience.” Something similar can be applied to the world of relationships, in which we must avoid being drawn into the spiral that seems to have fallen the other person. Rather than fight increasingly stronger way, it may be smarter rescue our partner his own stupidity and help you keep a cool head. Or, if that is not possible, keep the following tips in mind the next time the issue is about to leave us hands.
Remember Occam’s razor
The English Franciscan friar William of Ockham gave birth to what would later be known as the principle of parsimony, which is to say that being equal, the simplest theory is more likely to be correct than the complex. Which comes to mind when we began to build castles in the air and to attribute causes unexpected behavior of our partner. Probably the simplest explanation is true, and if you’ve forgotten to call is because it really has been forgotten, not because he was cited with her lover in a hotel on the outskirts of the city.
Why are you angry?
Try to answer this question and discards the first answer in many cases surely both will have enraged not the subject of the discussion that is being maintained, but another deeper reason or perhaps a very specific problem still is not resolved . In other cases, not even your partner will blame your anger, but this may have resulted in another area (work, family) and it is she who is paying the dishes.
For and let the other person explain
It is not only counting to ten between outburst and outburst, but also let the other person explain and present their version of the facts to your accusations. Perhaps this avoid an increase in tension to a point of no return and fix the problem without raising the tone or bring up other issues. Our mind works faster than our language, and sometimes a simple conversation without raising his voice serves to convert the shadows into light.
Check your arguments
Many people start arguing with a clear idea in your head about what they have to say, especially if they are starting the confrontation. Since we have the lesson as known, it may be appropriate to review our arguments before pronouncing aloud and, that way, see if what we suggest is true or whether it is merely a ploy to make your partner feel bad. If so, it may be preferable to swallow our words.
Do it at the right time
To properly discuss about something that bothers us, we must also know when. The worst moment is, of course, when tension is about to explode or in the middle of an intersection of endless accusations, when emotions make us dirty laundry aired those annoying that every couple has. But perhaps not very appropriate to take advantage of good romantic roll to bring out that little hiccup that occurred a month ago and that until then we had not dared to comment…
Do not ask what you cannot give
The stability of a relationship must be built on the more or less symmetrical balance between the two members, before accusing the other person may be appropriate to stop and think whether we are in a position to demand something like the other person or if it is preferable for the sake of both overlook small details that in our case have also been overlooked.
A discussion cannot be won, only to lose
What is the end of all discussion partner? Want to exchange rants until one of the two give up and, convinced, apologize to your partner and accept that this is absolutely right and nothing but the reason? Or just make him understand that one of your behaviors bothered us and that the row is preferable to think twice before returning to do that? Remember that many people have won discussions, but in return, have lost their partners.
Feelings are not discussed
The judicial system can be fallible sometimes, but the history of the laws has provided human beings a series of rational and useful tools to solve their conflicts. So maybe not such a bad idea to take some of their advice and apply them to our life partner, as is to focus on the facts and not on speculation. It is vital to remember that we have some disagreement about future or past plans, but judging or anticipating their feelings will not make us to make wrong assumptions.
Take on the other
Appealing to empathize with the other person is one of the most common advice whenever there is a discussion, but rarely put into practice strictly. This means that would not be wrong to think how we would feel ourselves if our partner expect us what we just blame him, if we are really fair to make such blames and if comes to mind. Because the answer will probably be negative.